Un-hook and Be Free
Often we have two ideas, thoughts or concepts hooked together in some way. We think about them as if they automatically go together. Much like beliefs, we associate them either by being told they go together or by connections we have made based on our past experiences. We all have hooks and they are often automatic and/or unconscious.
As an example, let’s hook together the emotion of anger with the action of being hurtful. Your thought may sound like, “If I get angry, someone will be hurt.”
In other words, in your mind, you think that:
being angry = someone getting hurt
[the idea that these two things always go together]
With this hook in place, it could be difficult for you to allow yourself to feel anger, let alone express it - even if it is done in a responsible and non-hurtful way. You automatically shut it down because you have a fear that someone will always be hurt. The hook that keeps you stuck is the idea that these two things always go together.
Hooks creates a whole set of expectations and reactions. It limits your ability to be fully expressed.
You can tease out some of your hooks by rapidly finishing the following sentences. Do the exercise quickly without editing. You want to discover the strong associations you have with certain key words and ideas.
Being abundant means I ______________________________
If I’m at my ideal weight it means that ____________________
If I fall in love then __________________________________
If I become wealthy, then _____________________________
When I’m being too happy, ___________________________
To be really healthy, I _______________________________
If I’m fully expressing myself, then ______________________
If I get too successful then ___________________________
As a spiritual being ________________________________
Here are some examples of the myriad of hooks that may exist:
· Being abundant means I will have to work too hard.
· When I am at my ideal weight, my friends will be jealous.
· If I fall in love then I will have to give up some of my freedom.
· If I become wealthy, people will make more demands on me.
· When I’m being too happy, I turn people off.
· To be really healthy, I will have to spend too much money on supplements.
· If I’m fully expressing myself, then I will make people critical of me.
· If I get too successful, then people won’t relate to me anymore.
· Being a success means that I take advantage of people.
· As a spiritual being, I always have to put others first.
We all know intellectually that the two ideas in each sentence are separate phenomenon. Yet, when we hold them together in our thoughts, we create suffering and lack of moving forward to a more abundant life.
An Example of Unhooking
Let’s use the first one as an example:
· Being abundant means I will have to work too hard.
In other words, the hook is:
being abundant = EQUALS = working too hard
[the assumption that they always go together]
Please do these exercises physically as you read. Hold your hands apart and unclasped. Imagine that one hand holds the idea of “being abundant” and the other hand holds the idea of “working too hard”. Bring your hands into the clasped position. Allow yourself to exaggerate the assumption that those two ideas belong together - and stuck together.
When you think the thought that the only way that you can ever be abundant is dependent on you working too hard, what do you notice? What happens in your body?
Are you relaxed or tense? Happy or unhappy? Content or frustrated? Hopeful or hope-less? Full or possibilities or full of dread? Keen to get started or at a stand-still?
Now, allow your hands to unclasp and view each idea as a separate phenomenon. Think about being abundant as a concept totally separate from the concept of having to work too hard. After all, they are not the same.
being abundant DOES NOT EQUAL working too hard
With your hands separate - and the concepts are now separate - notice what this experience is like. What is happening in your body?
Is your breath fuller? Is there room to breathe? Are your shoulders more relaxed? Do you feel more optimistic? Can you make plans from this place?
Get Unhooked
Use this template to begin to unhook some of your non-productive thoughts.
_____________________________= EQUALS =____________________________
When you put those two ideas together what do you notice?
Write the words again:
___________________________DOES NOT EQUAL _________________________
When you unhook those two ideas, realizing they in fact do not belong together, what do you notice?
Congratulations on taking the time to explore for yourself some of your hooks. This is an example of one of the techniques featured in my book Body-Centered Coaching and in the self-coaching journal titled “Being Abundant”. Both books can be found at www.bodymindspiritcoaching.com/products_booksCDs.php
© 2009 Body Mind Spirit Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
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