Marlena's Blog

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Marlena — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 16:38:45 +0000

Your body often lets you know how you are feeling. If you catch yourself in a hunched position with your head hanging down, begin to notice your thoughts. What thoughts have created this body response?

Your body posture also lets others know how you are feeling, even if the clues are subtle. I’m sure you have noticed strangers walk down the street and had thoughts like:

· She looks like she’s having a great day.

· He looks like he’s depressed.

Your body is a representation of your innermost mindset. In one way or another, your body expresses your thoughts, feelings and mood. The good news is - you can change your posture and your external expression in the world by embodying new thoughts.

You can alter how you are feeling by changing your body. Even though it may feel inauthentic at first, act as if. It is more difficult to feel dis-spirited when your shoulders are back, your head is held high and you have a smile on your face.

There’s a Charlie Brown cartoon that goes like this.

Charlie is standing with a slumped body posture and he says to Lucy, “This is my depressed stance. When you’re depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand.

He straightens up and says “..the worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you’ll start to feel better.”

Charlie goes back to his slumped posture and says: “If you’re going to get any joy out of being depressed, you’ve got to stand like this.”

I invite you to try this experiment:

· Stand in front of a full length mirror and think a negative “it’s never going to happen” type thought. Exaggerate it for the sake of this experiment.

· Write down what you notice below.

· Stand in front of a full length mirror and embody a positive thought, a thought that makes you feel joyful and fulfilled. Exaggerate it.

· Write down what you notice below.

Mirror Exercise

Non-resourceful thought: ________________________________________

My spirit is …
My energy is …
My posture is …
I stand as if …
My body feels …
My breathing is …
My eyes are …
My facial expression is …
My neck and shoulders are …
The position of my head is…
My knees are …
My primary emotion is …
My internal dialog sounds like this: …

Resourceful thought: ________________________________________

Notice a difference? Great! Enjoy your day.

If you would like to use this article, written by Marlena Field , on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Marlena Field, PCC, CPCC, founder and author of Body-Centered Coaching, offers a free e-newsletter titled BodyMind Wisdom: listen to your body, connect with your spirit. When you subscribe, you will receive her free audio titled “Conscious Choices for Change”.
Visit www.BodyMindSpiritCoaching.com

Remember Your Essence

Marlena — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 17:10:24 +0000

Do you remember what it was like to be so enthused about possibilities
that nothing stopped you?

When we were girls between eight to ten years old, we were in the pivotal place between being a child and the beginning stages of adolescence. We were fully alive, curious about the world, masters of our creativity and enthused with the possibilities in life. We were not deterred by limiting thoughts about what was possible for our lives. Playful, yet purposeful, we had beliefs in our own ability even if we had no language for them. We knew, “This is me.”

In “The Girl Within”, Emily Hancock says, “…the 8-10 year old occupies an intermediate zone of childhood, an interim space between fantasy and reality that fosters creative self-ownership. A child this age enjoys a wholeness of self, a unity with the cosmos, a natural radiance.” And then, culture stepped in to direct our future path, messing with our perspectives. We were influenced by demands deemed to be in the feminine realm and were encouraged to conform and become compliant. Changes occurred.

Some aspects of ourselves went underground. We lost contact with our true selves. We may not have been aware that a loss occurred; that something essential was lost. Yet we have a yearning that niggles at us – a still small voice trying to get our attention in order that we don’t lose ourselves forever.

As women, we long to reclaim our essence, our lost self. Emily Hancock suggests that “…the task of a woman’s lifetime boils down to reclaiming the authentic identity she’d embodied as a girl.” Remembering these years from eight to ten years old is one key to reclaiming your essence. Remembering is powerful. It can produce a personal epiphany, much like a watershed - our reality shifts. The good news is that by “remembering” who we were and what we were all about can bring about the re-connection with self.

By remembering, we gain access to the girl and re-embrace her. We have the opportunity to tap into our clarity and inner wisdom again. We have an opportunity to remember those times when our essence was unleashed, unbridled and in full view. Anything was possible. We remember when our essence informed us, moved us, and inspired us, without thinking about it. Some women report that this was their first encounter with the divine, the mystical or natural forces - whatever that means to them. This was a touchstone of identity.

I invite you to create some quiet time, away from distractions, to be with yourself and your memories. Allow yourself to reflect back on being between eight and ten years old and notice what you remember. You may remember where you lived; your connection with family, friends and nature; some special experiences or adventures; your thoughts and aspirations about your future; your dreams; your essential nature. You may reflect on stories that others tell about you at that age, and how they portray you.

Take some time to answer these questions, in writing or as a mind map.

What were the highlights?

What did you know about yourself?

What seemed possible in your imagination?

What is the essence in these stories?

What were your dreams?

If you would like to use this article, written by Marlena Field , on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Surrender to What Is

Marlena — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 23:25:37 +0000

Surrender is an interesting word, with a multitude of meanings. I am using the word surrender to be the embodiment of being in the flow with our body, mind and spirit. It includes the experience of acceptance of what is, what is true. It encompasses the ability to be differentiated, to be your own person.

In 2003, my husband Jim suffered a major stoke. Over the past year, and exacerbated over the past couple of months, his level of functioning has taken a turn. To witness this has been heart-breaking. To support our four adult children over the holiday season as they witnessed this new level was bitter sweet.

As an advocate for ‘surrender to what is’ I have been challenged to walk my talk…and I am now ready to speak about it. Has the process been easy…no! Has it been heart-wrenching…yes! Have I created my own suffering by wanting it to be different…absolutely! Is there a gift here somewhere…I believe so!

As I noticed myself feeling victimized, resentful, fearful, ripped-off, crazy…my body reacted with sensations of tension and chaos. When my thoughts and emotions were on the ‘wrong train of thought’ I experienced deflation of my spirit and my well-being.

As I move towards the heart-ache and acknowledge it from a place of true sadness, I feel comforted. This is a more authentic place for me to feel the truth and to move through the process with acceptance and allow whatever needs to happen happen. I show up for myself and recognize that this experience is indeed a process.

As I write this today, I feel centered and strong. As I surrender to what is, I know that I can handle it from a place of strength. I have a choice to be in control of my own experience and as I continue to go to ‘higher ground’ what will be will be. I ‘remember the resource’ within myself – my embodied strong inner core that will see me through difficult times. I can count on it.

[If you have my book, read chapter six (Remembering the Resource) where I teach the technique to help clients embody their internal resource.] When a resource is embodied (felt and owned in the body) it is much more powerful than an experience of the mind.

If you are struggling with non-acceptance of a situation, I recommend that you become mindful, be with your breath, allow the authentic feeling to wash over you, notice what is happening in your body, shed the tears you need to shed, and surrender to what is - infuse yourself with acceptance of what is. And, of course be gentle with yourself in the process.

p.s. an unbelievable synchronicity!!

As I finished this writing, I felt an intuitive urge to go to the front door, even though I had already received today’s mail. There was a large package with my name on it!! Inside the package was a beautiful pink blanket from my friend and colleague Kim Boyden, who has been aware of my process over the past couple of months. And, guess what the blanket was about … you guessed it…STRENGTH. I am wrapped up in it as I type. ?

On the blanket is written a number of affirmations on strength. A few of them are:

My mind, body and spirit are strong
I take time each day to rejuvenate and recharge
I draw from a deep well of peace and calm
I breathe in strength and release my fears
I trust my intuition and live a courageous life
and many others in relation to accomplishing goals and following the heart’s deep desires

If you would like to check out the store, please go here.

If you would like to use this article, written by Marlena Field , on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Play to Win

Marlena — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 22:32:24 +0000

I was being coached on a business decision, when my coach asked me, “Are you playing to win…or are you playing not to lose?” Talk about an immediate perspective shift!

So often when I make business decisions, I have what I call the “back door open” or at least some kind of contingency plan. When I operate from that place, I experience a lack of firm commitment to my goals and my inner knowing. I enter into the decision with an attitude that is less than 100% in the game.

Whatever your goal is around creating a more abundant life in some area, pause to reflect on whether you are playing to win - or whether you are playing not to lose.

Playing to win means being on the offense – having the intention and commitment to get to where you want to go, no matter what, and playing full out to get there. It requires a definite decision to move forward.

Playing not to lose is being on the defense - covering all the bases, having other options to fall back on, having a contingency plan.

For example, take a look at your coaching business. Reflect on how you ‘play the game’. Is your primary concern survival and security - which is where I can certainly get stuck - or is your primary concern the full expression of your work in the world, no matter what? I challenge myself with this on a regular basis.

Begin to look at your habits to see which category they fit into.

If you are playing not to lose, you may invest a small amount of money in your business, with a number of possible contingency plans if this one doesn’t work out.

If you are playing to win, you may decide to invest a larger amount of money - have a committed intention: focus on the result: take action.

Situation: _______________________________________________________

Playing not to lose looks like ________________________________________

Playing to win looks like ____________________________________________

We are always at choice.

If you would like to use this article, written by Marlena Field , on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Role Models

Marlena — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 04:06:50 +0000

Who comes to mind when you ask yourself:

· “Who are my role models?”

· “What are my favorite quotes…and who said them?”

As a coach, you may have a quote in your signature line at the bottom of all your emails.

We often choose role models and/or quotes that exemplify some unexpressed part of ourselves…or a longing we have to create something more: a different way of being…or a positive perspective that we want to embody more fully. They call us forth and inspire us to higher ground.

One of my favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt: “What other people think of me is none of my business.” It brings up a sense of relief; it speaks of freedom and of choice. I aspire to more fully embody and live into that perspective. The more I practice mindfully, the better I become. It begins with noticing.

I notice when I begin to make decisions or take actions (or not) that are to please other people. I notice when my actions seem influenced by what other people may think of me. I notice when my limiting internal dialog says, “What will people think?”

I pause and remember this quote. I shift my perspective, connect with my values and come home to myself…and what is true for me. I then decide and act accordingly.

Take time to connect with your favorite role model / quote and imagine the “highest inner thoughts and perspectives” that kept them heading towards their goal; imagine what they would have had to believe about themselves to accomplish what they did.

And, if you embodied that perspective, how would that change you - your happiness, your way of being in the world?

I invite you to take some time with this format. Here’s an example:

Name: Eleanor Roosevelt
Perspective/Quote: “What other people think of me is none of my business.”
If I embodied this: I would be more true to myself vs. always trying to look good in someone else’s eyes. I would be more relaxed and less tense in my body. I would live my truth.

Name: ___________________
Perspective / Quote: _____________
If I embodied this I _______________

Have fun with this, and I would love to hear about any discoveries that you make.

If you would like to use this article, written by Marlena Field , on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Remember the Resource

Marlena — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 02:21:01 +0000

All clients have been through difficult and challenging situations. Often they do not take ownership of their ability to be resilient and survive, often in remarkable and positive ways.

Clients have resources inside themselves. Bringing those resources into their awareness and embodying them is a profound way to empower your clients. It gives them permission to acknowledge their innate strengths and coping abilities.

Being curious about what has worked in the past helps clients to realign with what has gone right - their resources and they’re accomplishments. They connect with their internal ‘natural resources’ - body, mind and spirit - and remember their resilience and strength.

Once acknowledged, these resources can be applied to the current situation they are facing; they connect with the idea that they can employ their natural resources to handle the immediate issue.

To tap into resources, there are many questions that clients can address, either in the coaching session or as an inquiry for them to ponder between sessions. All of these contribute to the empowerment of your client.

Examples are:

How did I do it? What did I draw on in myself?
What did I learn about myself in overcoming this challenge?
What are the strengths and resources I can count on inside myself?
What skills or techniques did I use to manage my emotions?
What kept me on track?
What is the opportunity now?

Once clients begin to trust and embody their resources, they become more self-aware which will enhance their ability to lower their stress level and be more present.

If you would like to use this article, written by Marlena Field , on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Reverse Resentment

Marlena — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 19:59:40 +0000

Many of us would like to be more abundant in some area of our life, be it in the area of relationships, career, finance, family, recreation, health. We have dreams of what that would look like, what that would feel like. By embodying those thoughts, even for a few minutes, our body can feel the positive impact…we may even smile at the thought.

Yet, we often say disparaging things about people who have what we desire…or at least experience envy. If for example, you would like to be financially well off, become aware of any resentful thoughts you may experience to put those people down. Avoid using expressions such as “filthy rich”, “they don’t know what enough is” or “they think money grows on trees”. Notice how these thoughts can be felt in the body as tension, a furrowed brow.

By debasing something that we actually want, we are giving the universe, and ourselves, a mixed and misleading message. On the one hand we are saying we desire more abundance…and on the other hand we are saying and thinking negative thoughts.

By bringing our contrary thoughts to awareness - the mixed messages we are thinking - we can begin to let the negative thoughts go. Instead of being resentful and critical of - a wealthy person driving by in a flashy car; a couple who are obviously very much in love; a successful professional at the top of their game; a person is good physical condition - try celebrating their success. Look at them and say to yourself, or to them, “Good for you!” It puts positive energy and good will into your day…and sends the universe the appropriate message…the message that you value the abundance that you desire.

Take time to reflect on how disempowering it is to have feelings of resentment - yet experience envy at the same time. Notice how these feelings, body sensations and thoughts do not support what you want to create in your life. Catch yourself in the negative habit and transform it. Make the necessary changes within yourself to reverse resentment…celebrate examples of what you want and move toward the celebration of what you most desire.

If you would like to use this article, written by Marlena Field , on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Un-hook and Be Free

Marlena — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:38:32 +0000

Often we have two ideas, thoughts or concepts hooked together in some way. We think about them as if they automatically go together. Much like beliefs, we associate them either by being told they go together or by connections we have made based on our past experiences. We all have hooks and they are often automatic and/or unconscious.

As an example, let’s hook together the emotion of anger with the action of being hurtful. Your thought may sound like, “If I get angry, someone will be hurt.”

In other words, in your mind, you think that:

being angry = someone getting hurt
[the idea that these two things always go together]

With this hook in place, it could be difficult for you to allow yourself to feel anger, let alone express it - even if it is done in a responsible and non-hurtful way. You automatically shut it down because you have a fear that someone will always be hurt. The hook that keeps you stuck is the idea that these two things always go together.

Hooks creates a whole set of expectations and reactions. It limits your ability to be fully expressed.

You can tease out some of your hooks by rapidly finishing the following sentences. Do the exercise quickly without editing. You want to discover the strong associations you have with certain key words and ideas.

Being abundant means I ______________________________

If I’m at my ideal weight it means that ____________________

If I fall in love then __________________________________

If I become wealthy, then _____________________________

When I’m being too happy, ___________________________

To be really healthy, I _______________________________

If I’m fully expressing myself, then ______________________

If I get too successful then ___________________________

As a spiritual being ________________________________

Here are some examples of the myriad of hooks that may exist:

· Being abundant means I will have to work too hard.

· When I am at my ideal weight, my friends will be jealous.

· If I fall in love then I will have to give up some of my freedom.

· If I become wealthy, people will make more demands on me.

· When I’m being too happy, I turn people off.

· To be really healthy, I will have to spend too much money on supplements.

· If I’m fully expressing myself, then I will make people critical of me.

· If I get too successful, then people won’t relate to me anymore.

· Being a success means that I take advantage of people.

· As a spiritual being, I always have to put others first.

We all know intellectually that the two ideas in each sentence are separate phenomenon. Yet, when we hold them together in our thoughts, we create suffering and lack of moving forward to a more abundant life.

An Example of Unhooking

Let’s use the first one as an example:

· Being abundant means I will have to work too hard.

In other words, the hook is:

being abundant = EQUALS = working too hard
[the assumption that they always go together]

Please do these exercises physically as you read. Hold your hands apart and unclasped. Imagine that one hand holds the idea of “being abundant” and the other hand holds the idea of “working too hard”. Bring your hands into the clasped position. Allow yourself to exaggerate the assumption that those two ideas belong together - and stuck together.

When you think the thought that the only way that you can ever be abundant is dependent on you working too hard, what do you notice? What happens in your body?

Are you relaxed or tense? Happy or unhappy? Content or frustrated? Hopeful or hope-less? Full or possibilities or full of dread? Keen to get started or at a stand-still?

Now, allow your hands to unclasp and view each idea as a separate phenomenon. Think about being abundant as a concept totally separate from the concept of having to work too hard. After all, they are not the same.

being abundant DOES NOT EQUAL working too hard

With your hands separate - and the concepts are now separate - notice what this experience is like. What is happening in your body?

Is your breath fuller? Is there room to breathe? Are your shoulders more relaxed? Do you feel more optimistic? Can you make plans from this place?

Get Unhooked

Use this template to begin to unhook some of your non-productive thoughts.

_____________________________= EQUALS =____________________________

When you put those two ideas together what do you notice?

Write the words again:

___________________________DOES NOT EQUAL _________________________

When you unhook those two ideas, realizing they in fact do not belong together, what do you notice?

Congratulations on taking the time to explore for yourself some of your hooks. This is an example of one of the techniques featured in my book Body-Centered Coaching and in the self-coaching journal titled “Being Abundant”. Both books can be found at www.bodymindspiritcoaching.com/products_booksCDs.php

If you would like to use this article, written by Marlena Field , on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Magical Moments

Marlena — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 03:14:25 +0000

A magical moment is a moment in time when you felt happy, energized, at peace, satisfied, content - a time when there was an abundance of positive feelings and thoughts.

When you remember one of your magical moments, where you had a heightened experience, you will notice that your thoughts were positive, your body was enlivened, and your spirit was peaceful. Being abundant is a “whole body experience” - body, mind and spirit.

Before you read further, notice what immediately pops into your mind as one of your personal experiences.

Take your time to close eyes, fully experience your body sensations and thoughts as if they are occurring in this very moment…then journal about the experience. Here are some sentence starters.

My body feels
My breath is
My position of my head is
My face is
My overall posture is
My neck and shoulders are
My heart rate is
My emotions are
My inner dialog is
The ingredients that made this magical moment possible are

As you begin to embody an abundant mindset, you will notice a shift on all three levels - body, mind and spirit. Your thoughts create your embodied behavior, and your behavior creates your results. Be self-aware and notice what happens to take you away from an embodied abundant mindset…and intentionally shift it.

If you would like to use this article, written by Marlena Field , on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Body-Centering

Marlena — Fri, 22 May 2009 03:15:29 +0000

Centering is a way of being in your body and a way to become more present, calm, self-aware and stable. It will help you to find stillness within yourself and to connect with your body, mind and spirit as a whole person.

· Begin by standing in a comfortable posture, feet hip-width apart and arms down at your sides. Begin to notice your breath without trying to change anything; just notice as your breath automatically inhales and exhales.

· On your next exhalation allow your exhale to become slightly longer, without trying to force anything to happen. As you increase your exhale you will notice that a relaxation begins to happen.

· Begin to rock back and forth on your feet until you come to a place of balance; your weight being evenly distributed on both feet.

· Begin to notice the vertical: Feel the gravitational pull of Mother Earth - at the same time imagine an equal pull out the top of your head up to Father Sky. Notice what happens to your posture. You will likely experience a straightening of your spine. Continue to notice your breath.

· Begin to notice the horizontal: Become aware of your right side and your left side. Imagine that there is an equal energy on both sides of your body. Find the place of balance where both sides feel equal. Be with your breath.

· Begin to notice depth: Now become aware of the front and back of your body. Imagine that your energy is balanced between leading forward and learning backward. Find your center point; the place where you are centered.

· Become aware of your jaw and shoulders; allow them to relax even more.

· From this place of center and stillness, choose a word or a phrase that you would like to invite into your center. It could be words like abundance, clarity, appreciation, gratitude, acceptance, contribution, aliveness, creativity, wisdom.

· Breathe it in - enjoy!

If you would like to use this article, written by Marlena Field , on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following: