Bullying episodes, from the personal to the masses, are drawing a lot of attention. Many of us have personal stories and recall the negative and sometimes long lasting impact. The impact of any bullying situation affects not only the person being bullied but extends outwards to include many. You may be coaching a client going through a situation. This is external bullying.
Let’s now look at internal bullying. I will begin with a story about my client named Naomi. We were working on her reticence and feeling insecure about leading a group coaching series…thoughts like… was she good enough, did she have enough to offer, would people sign up, but I’ve never done this before….basically she was talking about her fear of humiliation…if it didn’t work out for whatever reason….all things that everyone can relate to experiencing.
As she was sharing her concerns about possible humiliation, I invited Naomi tell me what she was experiencing in her body – she felt tension, sick feelings in her gut, shallow breath, rapid heart beat. Her emotions were fear, distrust, and fear of humiliation. Her thoughts were “I will never be able to do this. I will fail. I can’t handle this.”
When I asked her if she had experienced something like this before, if it was familiar in any way, she immediately told me a story about being bullied when she was 7 years old. She had pedalled her bike to a grocery store, locked it up, gone into the store and when she came out the town bully was there with a few other guys. Every time she unlocked her bike to leave, the bully would lock it up again. He took groceries out of her bag and put them on the sidewalk.
She felt scared, trapped, shame. When she finally went home, she told no one about her experience. The adults in her world thought of bullying as normal actions for boys that age and she knew they would not support her feelings of humiliation.
I had to ask myself, what did fear of leading a group coaching series (and the fear of humiliation) have to do with bullying?
The basic answer to the connection between the fear of humiliation and bullying is this. Our bodies store our story; our body remembers our experiences. Our body is an access point for discovering more information about our limiting beliefs, fusions and fears - often based on the experience we have when we are young. Naomi was embarrassed by the bully and his actions, she felt humiliated, she made herself wrong (vs. knowing the bully was wrong) and she was carrying it with her unconsciously. It got triggered essentially through her body when she thought about her group coaching series.
We all have an internal bully voice…you know the one who is a nay-sayer, the one who lets you know how lacking you are in some way, the one who suggests you can’t handle things, the one who…….. The bully may say things like: Who do you think you are? Don’t get too big for your britches. Don’t be so stupid, so lazy, so hateful.
Think about how the fear of humiliation, what other people will think of you…what will they say when I go into coaching, when I charge coaching fees, when I want to lead classes, when I write a newsletter or a promo piece about my work.
I led a call on this subject recently that included a powerful visualization in which people created a circle of three different parts – the personality, the fearful bully voice and the impartial witness. We sent compassion to the bully who is afraid and want to keep us safe, wants us not to be humiliated. As people compassionately watched the interplay, simply being with the truth of what was happening internally, many insights occurred.
The recording of the call can be found at http://bodymindspiritcoaching.com/marlena_press09.php
I met and married my soul mate Jim fourteen years ago. He was everything I wanted in a relationship and we made wonderful plans for our future together.
After two years of marriage he experienced his first bout of cancer where he had his upper left dental arch removed. Fifteen months later he had another more serious bout of cancer which required removing his lower left jaw, replacing it with his fibula, and radiation. His recovery took a long time.
Three years later he suffered a major stroke which left him unable to read, speak and write. He was in hospital for three months. He was ‘gone’ for a while, but he came back.
Then came the onset of vascular dementia. It seemed like Jim was gradually walking away from me without turning around to say good-bye. At least with cancer and a stroke, Jim had a chance of healing and the ability to come back to me, come back to the relationship. We were available to each other; we shared our innermost feelings. Not so with dementia.
My experience with dementia over the past four years has been one of heart-break. Although still in love with Jim, I gradually became heart-protected and contracted with my feelings – like having my arms wrapped around myself for protection. Over time, Jim became non-conversational. It became more and more difficult to visit Jim in long term care and witness his decline. I felt myself painfully and sadly emotionally moving away from him – even though I regularly visited him.
Reading Parker Palmer’s Circle of Trust, I was introduced to the idea that I could choose whether to stay with my heart being broken – or find the courage to allow my heart to be broken open.
“But there are at least two ways to understand what it means to have our hearts broken. One is to imagine the heart broken into shards and scattered about – a feeling most of us know, and a fate we would like to avoid.
The other is to imagine the heart broken open into new capacity – a process that is not without pain but one that many of us would welcome…my heart can break open into greater capacity to hold more of my own and the world’s suffering and joy, despair and hope.”
I made the choice and commitment to allow my heart to be broken open and invite in a new capacity within myself. I allowed myself to unconditionally fall in love with Jim again. I did that by looking at our photo albums, remembering the amazing moments we shared together, reminiscing about our life together. It was painful of course – but so was being broken hearted. With the intention of allowing my heart to break open into a new capacity, I found a renewed sense of peace and comfort.
Rather than resisting, I began looking forward to visiting the “love of my life”, to being in a heart-centered place of fully loving and accepting him just as he is now. He energetically responded differently with me – making eye contact with me in a deeper way. Small glimmers of ‘the former Jim’ showed up. He has always been intuitive – on some level he knew.
I felt his presence meet mine differently as we drove along in silence or listened to music together. I held his hand even though his response was not there. I allowed my heart to be full.
There is a deeper nuance of unspoken connection now. This has helped me to be in my heart breaking open place and be at peace at the same time as supporting Jim. I feel stronger, more centered and more at peace with what is.
May you find the strength and courage within yourself to allow yourself to have the experience of your heart breaking open to a new capacity as opposed to your heart being broken down; to be willing to accept life as it is and create a different kind of beauty and connection with your loved one.
Warmly
Marlena
Marlena Field
marlena@bodymindspiritcoaching.com
www.BodyMindSpiritCoaching.com
For the past few weeks, when anyone has asked me how I am, I have replied, “I am feeling restless.” I felt the restlessness as a jittery vibration in my body and in my brain. I felt uncomfortable with it.
Last weekend I attended a circle of like-minded folks and we explored a poem by John O’Donohue. What I came to understand was that my restlessness is actually a creative impulse that needs to be experienced, expressed and above all embraced. What a relief! Rather than squander the energy, I was reminded to be with it, learn from it, use it!
I had to laugh when I realized that the experience speaks to a body-centered technique I teach called “Embracing the Signal”. I was nudged to remember to be with what I already know.
I now have a peaceful relationship with my creative restless impulse and look forward to where it may be leading me. I now have patience with it.
“For the Interim Time” by John O’Donohue, To Bless the Space Between Us
When near the end of day, life has drained out of light, and it is too soon for the mind of night to have darkened things.
No place looks like itself, loss of outline makes everything look strangely in-between, unsure of what has been, or what might come.
In this wan light, even trees seem groundless. In a while it will be night, but nothing here seems to believe the relief of dark.
You are in this time of the interim where everything seems withheld.
The path you took to get here has washed out; the way forward is still concealed from you.
The old is not old enough to have died away; the new is still too young to be born.
You cannot lay claim to anything; in this place of dusk, your eyes are blurred; and there is no mirror.
Everyone else has lost sight of your heart and you can see nowhere to put your trust; you know you have to make your own way through.
As far as you can, hold your confidence. Do not allow your confusion to squander this call which is loosening your roots in false ground, that you might come free from all you have outgrown.
What is being transfigured here is your mind, and it is difficult and slow to become new. The more faithfully you can endure here, the more refined your heart will become for your arrival in the new dawn.
Many Blessings, Marlena
Being with “I don’t know” – the importance for the client and for the coach
The “I don’t know” of the client:
I know many clients answer our coaching questions with “I don’t know.” And a typical response may be “Well, if you did know, what would that be?” Without helping the client to delve into their deep inner knowing however, that question is not easily answered. They believe that they don’t know the answer, that they really don’t have a clue. That perspective keeps them stuck in the myriad of options with no clarity for themselves. Something is keeping them stuck due to things like resistance and limiting beliefs that are not in their current awareness.
In body-centered coaching, I have clients check in with their body wisdom, listening to the still quiet voice within themselves, being silent and calm in the not knowing - being curious about what will be delivered up from the body. Given the space and time to be more present with themselves, clients can listen and learn from their inner teacher in a way that does not happen with “talk coaching” which often only includes the mind in the conversation.
For insight to be deep and meaningful, the whole person needs to be included in the coaching conversation - body, mind and spirit. When body and spirit are included in the conversation, as well as the mind, there is a greater depth of learning and wisdom that comes through the client - a wisdom that has been there all along, though kept hidden from the client. The mind suggests to them that they do not know - when in fact they actually do know.
For a client to check in with their inner knowing, facilitated by a body-centered coach, clients can become more empowered with the part of them that actually does know. As clients begin to trust their inner knowing, they can make choices that are more congruent and sustainable. They can be with what is true for them.
The “I don’t know” of the coach:
Paradoxically, it is important for the coach to come from a place of “I don’t know.”
Being with an attitude of “I don’t know” is an important aspect of the beingness of a coach. With the attitude of not knowing the client’s answer, not knowing what is a good solution for their dilemma, not knowing what their next steps should be, really opens up the realm of possibility - not only for the client but for the coach. If at any time we KNOW what is best for the client, we are doing them a disservice - it’s moving away from the idea that the client has their own answers.
Having a practice of “I don’t know” serves the coach with a freedom - a freedom not to know, not to have an answer, not to have a solution. It allows the coach to ask open honest body-centered questions to which the coach has no idea what the answer will be. It allows for more curiosity and a sense of wonder.
If you would like to know more about how to include the body and the spirit in your coaching conversations, I am currently running a tele-training series offering a number of body-centered coaching skills. You will become more confident in asking powerful, open, honest questions and have your clients begin to trust themselves at a deeper level.
CCEUs are available. Here is the link you need to find out more.
www.bodymindspiritcoaching.com/products_teleseminar_bms_bundle.php
Warmly
© 2012 Body Mind Spirit Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
If you would like to use this article, written by Marlena Field , on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:
Marlena Field, PCC, CPCC, founder and author of Body Mind Spirit Coaching: an integrated body-centered approach, offers a free e-newsletter titled Body Mind Spirit Wisdom: listen to your body, connect with your spirit. When you subscribe, you will receive her free 38 minute interview on Neuroscience, Mindfulness and the Body.
Visit www.BodyMindSpiritCoaching.com
Science has some exciting news that will appeal to and inspire coaches.
Mindfulness in its most general sense is about waking up from a life on automatic, and being sensitive to novelty in our everyday experiences….Instead of being on automatic and mindless, mindfulness helps us awaken, and by reflecting on the mind we are enabled to make choices and thus change becomes possible.
~ Dr. Daniel Siegel: The Mindful Brain
Mindful awareness has been scientifically proven to enhance physical, mental and social well-being. By incorporating the skill of mindfulness in their practices, coaches can assist clients to make breakthroughs where they would usually get stuck. Clients are then able to increase their tolerance for change, build their resilience and self acceptance.
Recent neurological research has proven that mindfulness helps us become more integrated; when we can slow down and get connected to our whole self everything becomes easier: body, mind and spirit.
The science of mindfulness will move the coaching profession forward by adding a new dimension to the way that coaches coach.
By applying mindfulness to their repertoire coaches will enhance their own way of being. They will enhance the client’s ability to gain insight, perspective and a sense of overall well-being. As coaches add this valuable and essential skill set to the coaching conversations, they will assist their clients to move forward more quickly.
By science proving what we already know about human development, the profession of coaching gains momentum in being adopted by a larger audience. As more people read the scientific literature on mindfulness, they will seek out practitioners who incorporate that model in their work.
This transformation of our very physiology and mental life cultivates well-being by creating an integrated state of brain function, one that fosters an array of benefits from emotional balance and improved cardiac and immune functions to an enhanced sense of empathy and self-understanding. Developing these traits allows us to face the challenges of life with a new sense of equilibrium and clarity.
~ Dr. Daniel Siege: Mindsight: the New Science of Personal Transformation
As coaching incorporate both mindfulness and the wisdom of the body into their work clients become more tuned into their own intuition and inner knowing.
Listen here for Marlena’s talk on Neuroscience, Mindfulness and the Body that was delivered to the Los Angeles ICF Chapter. It has been edited down to 38 minutes. If you would like the pdf of pithy quotes on neuroscience please sign up here for the auto-responder and it will be mailed to you immediately.
Mindfulness is foundational to Body-Centered Coaching. Read more at www.bodymindspiritcoaching.com/bcc.php and www.bodymindspiritcoaching.com/the-essence.php
© 2011 Body Mind Spirit Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
If you would like to use this article, written by Marlena Field , on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:
Marlena Field, PCC, CPCC, founder and author of Body-Centered Coaching, offers a free e-newsletter titled BodyMind Wisdom: listen to your body, connect with your spirit. When you subscribe, you will receive her free audio titled “Conscious Choices for Change”.
Visit www.BodyMindSpiritCoaching.com
In our stressful high-demand world, it is often difficult for clients to give themselves permission to take time off, to rejuvenate, to rest. So they often ignore any kind of body sensations and thoughts that suggest not only what is needed, but required, for health and well-being.
Clients often have some kind of resistance to the idea of resting, time off, rejuvenation…something like there’s not enough time, there’s too much to do, I’m responsible for this and that, it’s not okay to put myself first, others are counting on me…you get the idea.
As clients ignore the body sensations like sweaty palms, stomach trouble, shoulder tension, the body will often send stronger signals which can end up being a more serious health issue or diagnosis, an accident, a situation.
Our work as coaches needs to include ways to assist clients to become not only more mindful of body sensation, but more conscientious of making meaning of the symptoms and taking action on their own behalf. Clients are the only ones who can decide to give themselves permission.
Here is one way that I work with clients who come to the call with symptoms of stress or fatigue…clients who on the surface are unwilling to entertain anything other that doing one more thing before they take charge of their body, their thoughts and their health.
After listening and getting a sense of what is going on for the client, acknowledging the impact a situation or life style is having on them, I invite them into a process that looks something like this.
- offer an invitation to close their eyes, become aware of their breath, mindful of any body sensation they are experiencing
- ask for permission to say something positive to them and invite them to notice any thoughts, feelings, body sensations, memories that come up when they hear my words
- being mindful myself, in a neutral voice, I say “Notice what happens, when you hear me say, It’s okay to rest.” or some variation of that them that comes out of the coaching conversation.
- with the client, study anything that gets noticed…being non-judgmental and welcoming of everything that gets noticed.
In this mindful state, clients may notice the cause of any resistance to resting, slowing down. They may notice a phrase from the past like don’t be lazy, you never do enough for others, don’t be so selfish. They may notice a strong body sensation like a tightening in their shoulders, their stomach, their locked knees.
Or, they may notice a relax response from their body, an invitation to breathe more deeply, let go of tension, surrender. The purpose of this is to bring self-awareness to internal signals, to what needs and wants to happen.
The form of resting, relaxing, rejuvenation is up to the client of course. It could look like taking time off (an afternoon, a week, a month), going for a walk, going to the gym.
The point is to pay attention; become mindful and insightful of what is happening in the body, mind and spirit and giving them a much needed gift.
My personal story:
In the spring, I was supported by a healing massage therapist, a shaman and a psychic to take a couple of months off. I have to admit that I had a really hard time deciding to do so. My mind kept trying to convince me that the timing wasn’t right, there was work to be done, blah, blah, blah – you get the idea. Yet, I made the decision to follow through and pay attention to the body signals I was experiencing and the outside information I was receiving.
My fatigue had begun to feel ‘normal’ because it happened over a span of time.
For the first couple of weeks I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. I wasn’t used to laying on the couch with a good book, hiking in the hills in the middle of the day, taking off kayaking for a couple of days mid-week. Yet I coach clients to do just that!
I had to practice giving myself permission to chill out and walk my talk. After a couple of weeks, the permission practice got easier and I began to relax and settle into my being at a deeper level: a level that really allowed my spirit to experience life differently. I began to experience joy more tangibly.
I feel fortunate that I listened to my body before something happened that made me take time off – like an injury, a health issue, a diagnosis.
The beauty of the experience is that I became rejuvenated and re-energized in a way that felt new, exciting and different. Now I am jazzed to rock and roll into the fall season.
How are you at listening to your body’s wisdom?
What stories have you made up about taking time off?
What would it take to give yourself permission to listen to your body signals before the minor ones become major ones?
What body signals do you need to listen to NOW?
© 2011 Body Mind Spirit Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
If you would like to use this article, written by Marlena Field , on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:
Marlena Field, PCC, CPCC, founder and author of Body-Centered Coaching, offers a free e-newsletter titled BodyMind Wisdom: listen to your body, connect with your spirit. When you subscribe, you will receive her free audio titled “Conscious Choices for Change”.
Visit www.BodyMindSpiritCoaching.com
Neuroscience & Mindfulness
The roots of mindfulness run deep through many cultures, religions and communities. In recent years, mindful presence has become the cornerstone of helping professions because of its ability to cultivate body awareness, emotional intelligence, and a whole new spectrum of skill sets for clients. So profound are these shifts that mindfulness is, at last, being validated by the scientific community.
Scientific data continues to emerge regarding the benefits of mindfulness. By integrating the evidence- based approach of applied mindfulness, coaches can add an essential skill set to help clients overcome obstacles.
Studies have shown that specific applications of mindful awareness improved the capacity to regulate emotions, to combat emotional dysfunctions, to improve patterns of thinking and to reduce negative mindsets.
The Mindful Brain: Daniel Siegel
Focusing on the body is the simplest way to help someone become mindful of their present moment experience; it is the most direct route.
Research has shown that mindfulness enhances the body’s functioning and healing, the ability to respond more creatively to stress, the state of inner well-being and interpersonal relationships. Because mindfulness has a positive impact on the whole person – body, mind and spirit- the possibilities of well-being for both coach and client completely open up.
This transformation of our very physiology and mental life cultivates well-being by creating an integrated state of brain function, one that fosters an array of benefits from emotional balance and improved cardiac and immune functions to an enhanced sense of empathy and self-understanding. Developing these traits allows us to face the challenges of life with a new sense of equilibrium and clarity.
The Mindful Brain: Daniel Siegel
By understanding the latest science of neurobiology and mindfulness, coaches are able to help clients make breakthroughs where they would usually get stuck. Clients are then able to increase their tolerance for change and self acceptance.
Mindfulness is foundational to Body-Centered Coaching. Read more at www.bodymindspiritcoaching.com/bcc.php and
www.bodymindspiritcoaching.com/the-essence.php
© 2011 Body Mind Spirit Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
If you would like to use this article, written by Marlena Field , on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:
Marlena Field, PCC, CPCC, founder and author of Body-Centered Coaching, offers a free e-newsletter titled BodyMind Wisdom: listen to your body, connect with your spirit. When you subscribe, you will receive her free audio titled “Conscious Choices for Change”.
Visit www.BodyMindSpiritCoaching.com
You’ll never guess who just called!
“It’s…difficult to hear that what we reject out there is what we reject in ourselves… Having compassion [for others] starts and ends with having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourselves, all those imperfections that we don’t even want to look at.”
Pema Chodron
Sally was tossing and turning. She finally just gave up and woke up Andrew. “I’m sorry I had to wake you in the middle of the night dear. I am driving myself crazy with this and I need your help. I hope you don’t mind.” Andrew rubbed his eyes and willed himself to wake up. Sally rarely did this so he knew it must be really important and he wanted to listen to her with his full attention.
Sally began, “I am so freaked out about Uncle Fred; about what he’s going to be like this Saturday at our family gathering. Whenever he shows up, which is about every two years, he’s rude and has a way of putting people down. I’m so anxious about him being here that I don’t even want to have anybody over.” Andrew understood and felt some of Sally’s upset as well. Over the years he’d witnessed the impact that Uncle Fred often had on family get-togethers and he also was anxious.
Andrew said, “I’ve seen the same tension happen again and again. I wonder if there’s something creative we can do to try to change what typically happens. I know that when Uncle Fred arrives at the door, everyone holds their breath and the whole atmosphere in the room changes. It’s like everyone is waiting to be ‘bitten’ one way or another by Uncle Fred. Let’s talk about how we can deal with it differently in the morning.” Sally still felt uptight.
Andrew was thoughtful for a minute and then continued, “In the meantime, I have an idea that may help you go back to sleep.” Sally replied, “I’d sure like to know what that is. I need to get some sleep.” “Okay,” said Andrew, “first I need to ask you two questions.”
“One: How do you find yourself being put off by Uncle Fred?” Sally answered, “There’s lots of ways, but a big one for me is the way he’s so critical.” She paused and then said with surprise, “Oh, oh, I just realized something. I’m being the same way that I’m accusing him of being. I’m being critical of him being critical.” She chuckled at this realization about herself and felt a relief at the same time. Andrew replied, “Wow, I can relate to that myself.” He took some time to let that sink in.
Two: “What’s one thing that you open-heartedly want for Uncle Fred; something that you imagine would help to make his life better?” Sally quickly responded,” What a question!” Sally’s own negative inner dialog was so familiar that she had seldom thought about what Uncle Fred may be feeling. She was quietly thoughtful and then said, “What I want for Uncle Fred is for him to feel more included and to have some real connection with his family - and that includes real connection with me.”
Andrew suggested, “So here’s an exercise* I’ve found helpful. It’s actually a combination of breathing and thinking. When you start, breathe in with the thought that what you want for Uncle Fred is for him to feel relief from being so critical; knowing yourself that being critical can be painful. When you breathe out; breathe out with the thought that what you want for Uncle Fred is for him to feel more connected with you and the rest of the family.” Sally said, “Thanks Andrew. I hope this works.” Andrew also decided to do the exercise as a way for him to go back to sleep.
When Sally woke up, she remembered what had happened before she had fallen asleep. She was amazed. As she had paid attention to her breathing and was purposeful with her thoughts she noted that her body had become more and more relaxed and she experienced increased feelings of well-being. She realized that this was about being open-hearted and wanting things to be better for people;not about trying to make other people be different.
Over breakfast Sally shared her realization with Andrew. Together they decided to use the breathing and thinking exercise throughout the coming week in order to maintain a compassionate attitude toward Uncle Fred and themselves. They talked about the positive mood they wanted to create with the family and how they could contribute to it. They wanted to be more aware of their own criticalness and to have better connection with the whole family.
They realized that their tension in the past had been in the way of them being more relaxed and open-hearted. They continued to have conversations during the week to help each other remember to stay with the possibilities rather than with negativity.
By Saturday both Sally and Andrew noticed that their anxiety had become considerably less. As the family arrived there was a general easiness and people seemed happy to see each other. A short time later the doorbell rang and one of the kids yelled, “Uncle Fred’s here.” The tension in the room heightened and people seemed to ‘steel’ themselves. Sally was the first to the door. “Hi Uncle Fred, I’m glad to see you here. It’s been a long time.” Although she had said similar words to him in the past, this time her words were authentic. Uncle Fred could feel that she meant what she was saying. He couldn’t help but give a slight smile along with his usual gruff greeting.
Throughout the afternoon Sally and Andrew paid attention to being more connected with all the family members. Although there were a few tense and awkward moments, for the most part the atmosphere was different. People became more relaxed and less guarded as the afternoon progressed. The gathering turned out to have more easy conversation and good spirited laughter than ever before. Afterwards, Sally and Andrew realized this was a good beginning. They were encouraged about the possibilities for the future.
On Sunday morning Sally answered the phone. Someone called to say ‘thank you’ for the party and how much he had enjoyed himself. Sally was floored. Nothing like this had happened before. When Sally got off the phone she said to Andrew, with a smile on her face, “You’ll never guess who just called!”
*The Practice of Tonglen: www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/tonglen1.php
For a decision to be a great one there needs to be an alignment within the whole person: body, mind and spirit. With alignment comes integration: an inner knowing that the decision is right. Congruence is reached. Because it is right, it therefore becomes doable and sustainable (long lasting) because the foundation is solid.
Mind
The mind is a wonderful resource for gathering information, making sense of data, being logical and rational. Many decisions are made simply from a mind perspective - paying attention to what the mind considers to be the way to go. There are pro and con lists, details taken into consideration, the logic and rationale considered.
The problem with only paying attention to the mind is that there is important information that is not taken into consideration.
Body
The body is an important resource when faced with choices. The body has a natural intelligence that can be tapped. The body does not lie. It gives us sensations – like gut reactions - which are key to great decision making. If the body is left out of the decision-making process, very often the decision is not in alignment or sustainable.
Spirit
Noticing whether we feel in-spirited or dis-spirited when a decision has been made is a fabulous indicator of whether or not we are on the right track. Our emotions tell us lots of valuable information.
When there is congruence between body, mind and spirit, the whole person is involved. There is no ‘fighting’ between the factions. For example if I decide to take a step in my business which seems like a great idea, yet every time I dive into the next step I feel a gut ache and feel dis-spirited, I am lacking alignment and congruence with my decision.
When a decision is right, it becomes sustainable (long lasting) - there is peace of mind, excitement, feeling sure, knowing it’s the right thing, inner guidance. It keeps them from giving way when/if doubt tries to sabotage them.
Your body often lets you know how you are feeling. If you catch yourself in a hunched position with your head hanging down, begin to notice your thoughts. What thoughts have created this body response?
Your body posture also lets others know how you are feeling, even if the clues are subtle. I’m sure you have noticed strangers walk down the street and had thoughts like:
· She looks like she’s having a great day.
· He looks like he’s depressed.
Your body is a representation of your innermost mindset. In one way or another, your body expresses your thoughts, feelings and mood. The good news is - you can change your posture and your external expression in the world by embodying new thoughts.
You can alter how you are feeling by changing your body. Even though it may feel inauthentic at first, act as if. It is more difficult to feel dis-spirited when your shoulders are back, your head is held high and you have a smile on your face.
There’s a Charlie Brown cartoon that goes like this.
Charlie is standing with a slumped body posture and he says to Lucy, “This is my depressed stance. When you’re depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand.
He straightens up and says “..the worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you’ll start to feel better.”
Charlie goes back to his slumped posture and says: “If you’re going to get any joy out of being depressed, you’ve got to stand like this.”
I invite you to try this experiment:
· Stand in front of a full length mirror and think a negative “it’s never going to happen” type thought. Exaggerate it for the sake of this experiment.
· Write down what you notice below.
Next
· Stand in front of a full length mirror and embody a positive thought, a thought that makes you feel joyful and fulfilled. Exaggerate it.
· Write down what you notice below.
Mirror Exercise
Non-resourceful thought: ________________________________________
My spirit is …
My energy is …
My posture is …
I stand as if …
My body feels …
My breathing is …
My eyes are …
My facial expression is …
My neck and shoulders are …
The position of my head is…
My knees are …
My primary emotion is …
My internal dialog sounds like this: …
Resourceful thought: ________________________________________
My spirit is …
My energy is …
My posture is …
I stand as if …
My body feels …
My breathing is …
My eyes are …
My facial expression is …
My neck and shoulders are …
The position of my head is…
My knees are …
My primary emotion is …
My internal dialog sounds like this: …
Notice a difference? Great! Enjoy your day.
© 2010 Body Mind Spirit Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
If you would like to use this article, written by Marlena Field , on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:
Marlena Field, PCC, CPCC, founder and author of Body-Centered Coaching, offers a free e-newsletter titled BodyMind Wisdom: listen to your body, connect with your spirit. When you subscribe, you will receive her free audio titled “Conscious Choices for Change”.
Visit www.BodyMindSpiritCoaching.com